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¹ nightmare, and seeing before me a terrible red glare, crossed with thick black bars. i heard voices, too, speaking with a hollow sound, and as if ² by a rush of wind or water: ³, ⁴, and an all-predominating sense of terror confused my ⁵. ere long, i became aware that some one was handling me; lifting me up and supporting me in a sitting ⁶, and that more tenderly than i had ever been raised or upheld before. i rested my head against a pillow or an arm, and felt easy.

⁷ conviction of protection and security, when i knew that there was a stranger in the room, an individual not belonging to gateshead., and not related to mrs. reed. turning from bessie (though her presence was far less ⁸ to me than that of abbot, for instance, would have been), i scrutinised the face of the gentleman: i knew him; it was mr. lloyd, an ⁹, sometimes called in by mrs. reed when the servants were ¹⁰: for herself and the children she employed a physician.

¹¹ me to ask a question.

¹² of their conversation, from which i was able only too distinctly to infer the main subject discussed.

¹³ door"--"a light in the churchyard just over his grave," &c. &c.

¹⁴: such dread as children only can feel.

¹⁵ to this day. yes, mrs. reed, to you i owe some fearful ¹⁷ of mental suffering, but i ought to forgive you, for you knew not what you did: while ¹⁸ my heart-strings, you thought you were only ¹⁹ my bad ²⁰.

²¹. i felt ²² weak and broken down: but my worse ²³ was an unutterable wretchedness of mind: a wretchedness which kept drawing from me silent tears; no sooner had i wiped one salt drop from my cheek than another followed. yet, i thought, i ought to have been happy, for none of the reeds were there, they were all gone out in the carriage with their mama. abbot, too, was sewing in another room, and bessie, as she moved hither and ²⁴, putting away toys and arranging drawers, addressed to me every now and then a word of unwonted kindness. this state of things should have been to me a paradise of peace, accustomed as i was to a life of ceaseless reprimand and thankless fagging; but, in fact, my racked nerves were now in such a state that no calm could ²⁶, and no pleasure excite them agreeably.

²⁷ on a certain brightly painted china plate, whose bird of paradise, nestling in a wreath of convolvuli and ²⁸, had been ²⁵ to stir in me a most enthusiastic sense of ²⁹; and which plate i had often petitioned to be allowed to take in my hand in order to examine it more closely, but had always hitherto been deemed unworthy of such a privilege. this precious ³⁰ was now placed on my knee, and i was cordially invited to eat the circlet of delicate ³¹ upon it. vain favour! coming, like most other favours long ³² and often wished for, too late! i could not eat the tart; and the plumage of the bird, the ³³ of the flowers, seemed strangely faded: i put both plate and tart away. bessie asked if i would have a book: the word book acted as a transient ³⁴, and i begged her to fetch gulliver's travels from the library. this book i had again and again ³⁶ with delight. i considered it a ³⁷ of facts, and discovered in it a ³⁸ of interest deeper than what i found in fairy tales: for as to the elves, having sought them in vain among foxglove leaves and bells, under mushrooms and beneath the ground-ivy ³⁹ old wall-nooks, i had at length made up my mind to the sad truth, that they were all gone out of england to some ⁴⁰ country where the woods were wilder and thicker, and the population more ⁴¹; whereas, lilliput and brobdignag being, in my ⁴², solid parts of the earth's surface, i doubted not that i might one day, by taking a long voyage, see with my own eyes the little fields, houses, and trees, the ⁴³ people, the tiny cows, sheep, and birds of the one realm; and the corn-fields forest-high, the ⁴⁴ mastiffs, the monster cats, the tower-like men and women, of the other. yet, when this cherished volume was now placed in my hand--when i turned over its leaves, and sought in its marvellous pictures the charm i had, till now, never failed to find--all was ⁴⁵ and ⁴⁶; the giants were gaunt goblins, the pigmies ⁴⁷ and fearful ⁴⁸, gulliver a most ⁴⁹ wanderer in most dread and dangerous regions. i closed the book, which i dared no longer ³⁵, and put it on the table, beside the untasted tart.

⁵⁰ of silk and satin, and began making a new ⁵¹ for georgiana's doll. meantime she sang: her song was -

⁵² with her work, she sang the refrain very low, very lingeringly; "a long time ago" came out like the saddest ⁵³ of a funeral ⁵⁴. she passed into another ⁵⁵, this time a really doleful one.

⁵⁶ close moonless and dreary
over the path of the poor ⁵⁷ child.

⁵⁸ spread and grey rocks are piled?
men are hard-hearted, and kind angels only
watch o'er the steps of a poor orphan child.

⁵⁹, by false lights beguiled,
still will my father, with promise and blessing,
take to his ⁶⁰ the poor orphan child.

⁶¹ suffering to which i was a ⁶²? in the course of the morning mr. lloyd came again.

⁶³."

⁶⁴, "i never cried for such a thing in my life: i hate going out in the carriage. i cry because i am ⁶⁵."

⁶⁶ before him; he ⁶⁷ his eyes on me very ⁶⁸: his eyes were small and grey; not very bright, but i dare say i should think them shrewd now: he had a hard-featured yet good-natured looking face. having considered me at leisure, he said -

¹⁶ of ⁶⁹ pride; "but that did not make me ill," i added; while mr. lloyd helped himself to a pinch of snuff.

⁷⁰ enforced at gateshead hall.

⁷¹ to this question! how difficult it was to frame any answer! children can feel, but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is ⁷² effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words. fearful, however, of losing this first and only opportunity of relieving my grief by imparting it, i, after a disturbed pause, ⁷³ to frame a meagre, though, as far as it went, true response.

⁷⁴, working, respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected with ⁷⁵ clothes, ⁷⁶ food, fireless grates, rude manners, and debasing ⁷⁷: poverty for me was synonymous with ⁷⁸.

⁷⁹ of it as a place where young ladies sat in the stocks, wore backboards, and were expected to be exceedingly genteel and precise: john reed hated his school, and abused his master; but john reed's tastes were no rule for mine, and if bessie's accounts of school-discipline (gathered from the young ladies of a family where she had lived before coming to gateshead) were somewhat ⁸⁰, her details of certain ^{81 82} by these same young ladies were, i thought, equally attractive. she boasted of beautiful paintings of landscapes and flowers by them executed; of songs they could sing and pieces they could play, of purses they could net, of french books they could translate; till my spirit was moved to ⁸³ as i listened. besides, school would be a complete change: it implied a long journey, an entire separation from gateshead, an entrance into a new life.

⁸⁴, ill- conditioned child, who always looked as if she were watching everybody, and scheming plots underhand." abbot, i think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine guy fawkes.

⁸⁵, and where that disease was then prevalent: that my mother took the infection from him, and both died within a month of each other.

⁸⁶ her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such a little ⁸⁷ as that."

⁸⁸ abbot. "little darling!--with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweet colour as she has; just as if she were painted!--bessie, i could fancy a welsh rabbit for supper."