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so, i got taken out of school, went to therapy, got put on antidepressants, kind of clawed my way back to some sort of rational thought, which took a while.
所以，我被带出了学校接受治疗，服用了抗抑郁药，我慢慢的恢复了理智，但是花费了很长时间。
but basically, i stayed in school until i was 17, where i still was kind of played with this depression.
但我还是在学校一直待到17岁，一直被抑郁症所困扰。
and i was like, i'm done. i need to leave, which to the rather large disagreement from my parents.
我觉得我受够了，我要离开，导致我和父母产生了很大的分歧。
i was, i did, i left and i knew i had to do something because otherwise i would just go crazy.
我离开了学校，我知道我得做点什么，否则我会发疯的。
so, i started modelling.
所以，我开始做模特。
and i wanted to do it, i wanted to work every day.
这是我想做的事，我想每天工作。
wait a minute. how old were you now? you were 18? 17?
等一下。你那时多大了？你那时18岁？17岁？
17, so, this was, i left school early, i didn't finish my college, yeah.
17，我很早就离开了学校，没有完成学业。
and what was modelling like to begin with?
刚开始的时候，做模特是怎样的？
because i mean, you weren't successful for the first year, were you?
你不是第一年就取得了成功，对吧？
no. so, you've had both sides of the modelling coin, in one sense.
没有。从某种意义上说你体验了模特生涯的两面。
you've had the incredible success.
你取得了巨大的成功。
but actually, what was the life of a working unsuccessful model like?
但我想问，不成功的模特的生活是怎样的？
i mean, there was, it was, there was elements which were fun.
会有一些很有趣的事情。
because it's like this comradery of people not being successful when you can complain about all the people who are rude to you.
一群不成功的人之间有一种情谊，你不能抱怨那些成功的人。
but it's not, it wasn't nice you constantly are told that you're not pretty enough and not tall enough and not skinny enough and people are better.
但不好的一点是总有人说你不够漂亮，不够高，不够瘦，其他人更好之类的。
when you're young, you think that means i'm not good enough as a person.
当你年轻的时候，你会认为这意味着我不够优秀。
like that means i'm not living up to who i should be and you kind of get 1 and 2 a lot, but then you kind of grow a bit of a skin.
这意味着我没有活成我应该有的样子，你会被这些话虐得遍体鳞伤，你也成长了一些。
what were the agencies like? what was an agency like?
这些经纪公司是什么样的？
because i always think they're quite 3 things.
我总觉得他们很可怕。
yeah. i mean, the thing with models is they, you get used. that's the thing.
是的。做模特你会习惯，就是这么回事。
我看到了很多摄影师滥用照片，你知道，还有变态的摄影师滥用年轻女孩的照片。
a lot of straight photographers only really do this because they want to sleep with young models.
很多街头摄影师这么做只是因为他们想和这些年轻模特上床。
you know, bad kind of experiences in that sense.
那是非常糟糕的经历。
not by me, but to other poor people, poor girls who don't stand up for themselves because you feel like you should be used because that's what models do.
当然不是对我，而是其他的可怜女孩，她们不会为自己站出来，因为就觉得应该被利用，那就是模特干的事。
but then, you know, about a year into it, i was discovered.
做了一年模特后，我被发掘了。
i did burberry and then everybody wants you.
我走了巴宝莉的秀，然后所有人都想用我。
you know, after so long of being like nobody wants you, suddenly like, oh my god, who's that?
过了这么久，一直就是没人要的状态，突然变成，天呐，那个漂亮的女孩子是谁啊！
i've met you five times and i'm pretty sure you didn't want me two minutes ago but cool.
我见过你五次了，我很确定你两分钟前不想要我，但是没关系。
that must've been the most amazing explosion from going.
这肯定是最惊人的成功了吧。
from being not very successful to suddenly because your success really exploded in seconds really after getting burberry, didn't it?
原来不太成功，然后突然成名，因为你在很短的时间内获得成功，就在巴宝莉秀场之后。
kind of. but that was also in 2011.
算是吧。但那也是在2011年。
it still took a while, but it was still more like in the fashion world, it definitely became a thing.
这还是花了一段时间，但在时尚界还挺轰动的。
i was finally like in shows. i was like, ooh, this is 6.
我终于在各大秀场中崭露头角，还挺奇妙的。
yeah. it definitely changed.
我的生活确实改变了。
but after that, it kind of, you know, you pick up pace, you start working.
在那之后，我加快步伐，开始工作。
i was working every day. i had no concept of saying no to anyone, ever.
我每天都在工作，从来没想过拒绝任何人。
and this is one of the most important show business lessons, actually learning how to say no. have you learned yet?
娱乐圈最重要的一课就是学会拒绝别人。你学会了吗？
yes. i think life, you should always experience things, but you should not. you should say no.
学会了，你会经历一些事情，你应该说不。
i mean, it's more about being controlled and not being a puppet is what the most important thing is.
要自己掌控，最重要的是不做傀儡。
and not doing anything out, not doing anything for anyone else apart from yourself.
不要为自己以外的人做任何事情。
because after a while, i just started to get sick and i got this horrible thing called psoriasis.
因为不久我就病了，我得了可怕的牛皮癣。
oh my god, like kim kardashian?
天哪，就和金·卡戴珊一样？
like kim. i know she told me about the breast milk thing, which actually worked.
是的，她告诉我要用母乳，确实有效果。
that is amazing so there you are, a beautiful model on the outside.
你外表是个光鲜亮丽的模特。
and on the inside, you've got psoriasis coming up. and how did you deal with it?
内里，却生着牛皮癣。你是怎么应对的？
not very well.
不是很顺利。
it was actually happening at the time when i was doing shows
那是在我走秀的时候发生的。
and it was, it wasn't lit like psoriasis where i have a little bit right here.
它不像普通的牛皮癣，我这里有一点。
but it was like giant welts all over my body, including my head. it would bleed.
我全身都是巨大的伤痕，头上也有。它会流血的。
and it was horrible. sorry, gross.
很恐怖，不好意思，有点恶心。
and you look at yourself like you're an alien. you're like, i'm so disgusting.
看自己就像个外星人，我真恶心。
it's not good for you, especially at that time.
对你来说不是什么好事啊，尤其是在那个时候。
i felt more disconnected from myself than i think i ever had, which i was for a long time, quite disconnected.
我感觉自己比以前任何时候都更孤立，我曾经有很长一段时间是完全孤立的。
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