jane eyre 简爱 chapter 12-凯发k8官网

the promise of a smooth career, which my first calm introduction to thornfield hall seemed to pledge, was not ¹ on a longer acquaintance with the place and its ². mrs. fairfax turned out to be what she appeared, a placid-tempered, kind-natured woman, of competent education and average intelligence. my pupil was a lively child, who had been spoilt and indulged, and therefore was sometimes wayward; but as she was committed ³ to my care, and no injudicious interference from any quarter ever ⁴ my plans for her improvement, she soon forgot her little freaks, and became obedient and teachable. she had no great talents, no marked traits of character, no ⁵ development of feeling or taste which raised her one inch above the ordinary level of childhood; but neither had she any deficiency or ⁷ which sunk her below it. she made reasonable progress, entertained for me a ⁸, though perhaps not very profound, affection; and by her ⁹, gay ¹⁰, and efforts to please, inspired me, in return, with a degree of ¹¹ sufficient to make us both content in each other's society.

 

 

 

this, ¹² parenthese, will be thought cool language by persons who entertain solemn ¹³ about the angelic nature of children, and the duty of those charged with their education to conceive for them an idolatrous devotion: but i am not writing to flatter ¹⁴ egotism, to echo ¹⁵, or ¹⁶ up ¹⁷; i am merely telling the truth. i felt a ^{18 19} for adele's welfare and progress, and a quiet ²⁰ for her little self: just as i cherished towards mrs. fairfax a thankfulness for her kindness, and a pleasure in her society proportionate to the ²¹ regard she had for me, and the moderation of her mind and character.

 

anybody may blame me who likes, when i add further, that, now and then, when i took a walk by myself in the grounds; when i went down to the gates and looked through them along the road; or when, while adele played with her nurse, and mrs. fairfax made jellies in the storeroom, i climbed the three staircases, raised the trap-door of the ²², and having reached the leads, looked out afar over ²³ field and hill, and along dim sky-line- that then i longed for a power of vision which might ²⁴ that limit; which might reach the busy world, towns, regions full of life i had heard of but never seen- that then i desired more of practical experience than i ²⁵; more of ²⁶ with my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character, than was here within my reach. i valued what was good in mrs. fairfax, and what was good in adele; but i believed in the existence of other and more vivid kinds of goodness, and what i believed in i wished to ²⁷.

 

who blames me? many, no doubt; and i shall be called discontented. i could not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it ²⁸ me to pain sometimes. then my sole relief was to walk along the corridor of the third storey, ²⁹ and forwards, safe in the silence and ³⁰ of the spot, and allow my mind's eye to dwell on whatever bright visions rose before it- and, certainly, they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved by the ³¹ movement, which, while it ³² it in trouble, expanded it with life; and, best of all, to open my inward ear to a tale that was never ended- a tale my imagination created, and ³³ continuously; quickened with all of incident, life, fire, feeling, that i desired and had not in my actual existence.

 

it is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with ³⁴: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. millions are ³⁶ to a stiller ³⁷ than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions ³⁸ in the masses of life which people earth. women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their ³⁹, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too ⁴⁰ a restraint, too absolute a ⁴¹, ⁴² as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and ⁴³ bags. it is thoughtless to ³⁵ them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.

 

when thus alone, i not unfrequently heard grace poole's laugh: the same ⁴⁴, the same low, slow ha! ha! which, when first heard, had thrilled me: i heard, too, her eccentric ⁴⁶; stranger than her laugh. there were days when she was quite silent; but there were others when i could not account for the sounds she made. sometimes i saw her: she would come out of her room with a basin, or a plate, or a tray in her hand, go down to the kitchen and shortly return, generally (oh, romantic reader, forgive me for telling the plain truth!) bearing a pot of porter. her appearance always acted as a damper to the curiosity raised by her oral oddities: hard-featured and staid, she had no point to which interest could attach. i made some attempts to draw her into conversation, but she seemed a person of few words: a monosyllabic reply usually cut short every effort of that sort.#p#分页标题#e#

 

the other members of the household, viz., john and his wife, leah the housemaid, and sophie the french nurse, were decent people; but in no respect ⁴⁷; with sophie i used to talk french, and sometimes i asked her questions about her native country; but she was not of a descriptive or ⁴⁸ turn, and generally gave such ⁴⁹ and confused answers as were calculated rather to check than encourage ⁵⁰.

 

october, november, december passed away. one afternoon in january, mrs. fairfax had begged a holiday for adele, because she had a cold; and, as adele seconded the request with an ardour that reminded me how precious occasional holidays had been to me in my own childhood, i accorded it, deeming that i did well in showing ⁵¹ on the point. it was a fine, calm day, though very cold;

 

i was tired of sitting still in the library through a whole long morning: mrs. fairfax had just written a letter which was waiting to be posted, so i put on my ⁵² and cloak and volunteered to carry it to hay; the distance, two miles, would be a pleasant winter afternoon walk. having seen adele comfortably seated in her little chair by mrs. fairfax's parlour fireside, and given her her best wax doll (which i usually kept ⁵³ in silver paper in a drawer) to play with, and a story-book for a change of amusement; and having replied to her 'revenez bientot, ma bonne amie, ma chere mdlle.

 

jeannette,' with a kiss i set out.

 

the ground was hard, the air was still, my road was lonely; i walked fast till i got warm, and then i walked slowly to enjoy and analyse the species of pleasure brooding for me in the hour and situation. it was three o'clock; the church bell ⁵⁴ as i passed under the belfry: the charm of the hour lay in its approaching dimness, in the low-gliding and pale-beaming sun. i was a mile from thornfield, in a lane ⁵⁵ for wild roses in summer, for nuts and blackberries in autumn, and even now possessing a few coral treasures in ⁵⁶ and haws, but whose best winter delight lay in its utter solitude and leafless ⁵⁷. if a breath of air stirred, it made no sound here; for there was not a ⁵⁸, not an ⁵⁹ to ⁶⁰, and the stripped ⁶¹ and hazel bushes were as still as the white, worn stones which causewayed the middle of the path. far and wide, on each side, there were only fields, where no cattle now ⁶²; and the little brown birds, which stirred occasionally in the hedge, looked like single russet leaves that had forgotten to drop.

 

this lane inclined up-hill all the way to hay; having reached the middle, i sat down on a stile which led thence into a field. ⁶³ my ⁶⁴ about me, and sheltering my hands in my muff, i did not feel the cold, though it froze keenly; as was ⁶⁵ by a sheet of ice covering the causeway, where a little ⁶⁶, now ⁶⁷, had ⁶⁸ after a rapid ⁶⁹ some days since. from my seat i could look down on thornfield: the grey and battlemented hall was the principal object in the vale below me; its woods and dark rookery rose against the, west. i lingered till the sun went down amongst the trees, and sank ⁷⁰ and clear behind them. i then turned ⁷¹.

 

on the hill-top above me sat the rising moon; pale yet as a cloud, but brightening momentarily, she looked over hay, which, half lost in trees, sent up a blue smoke from its few chimneys: it was yet a mile distant, but in the absolute ⁷² i could hear plainly its thin murmurs of life. my ear, too, felt the flow of currents; in what dales and depths i could not tell: but there were many hills beyond hay, and doubtless many becks threading their passes. that evening calm betrayed alike the ⁷³ of the nearest streams, the sough of the most remote.

 

a rude noise broke on these fine ripplings and whisperings, at once so far away and so clear: a positive tramp, tramp, a ^{74 75}, which ⁷⁷ the soft wave-wanderings; as, in a picture, the solid mass of a crag, or the rough boles of a great oak, ⁷⁸ in dark and strong on the foreground, ⁷⁶ the aerial distance of ⁷⁹ hill, sunny horizon, and blended clouds where ⁸⁰ melts into tint.

 

the ⁶ was on the causeway: a horse was coming; the ⁸¹ of the lane yet hid it, but it approached. i was just leaving the stile; yet, as the path was narrow, i sat still to let it go by. in those days i was young, and all sorts of fancies bright and dark tenanted my mind: the memories of nursery stories were there amongst other rubbish; and when they ⁸³, maturing youth added to them a ⁸⁴ and vividness beyond what childhood could give. as this horse approached, and as i watched for it to appear through the dusk, i remembered certain of bessie's tales, wherein figured a north-of-england spirit called a 'gytrash,' which, in the form of horse, ⁸⁵, or large dog, haunted ⁸⁶ ways, and sometimes came upon belated travellers, as this horse was now coming upon me.#p#分页标题#e#

 

it was very near, but not yet in sight; when, in addition to the tramp, tramp, i heard a rush under the hedge, and close down by the hazel stems ⁸⁷ a great dog, whose black and white colour made him a distinct object against the trees. it was exactly one form of bessie's gytrash- a lion-like creature with long hair and a huge head:

 

it passed me, however, quietly enough; not staying to look up, with strange pretercanine eyes, in my face, as i half expected it would.        

 

the horse followed,- a tall steed, and on its back a rider. the man, the human being, broke the spell at once. nothing ever rode the gytrash: it was always alone; and goblins, to my notions, though they might ⁸² the dumb carcasses of beasts, could scarce ⁸⁸ shelter in the commonplace human form. no gytrash was this,- only a traveller taking the short cut to millcote. he passed, and i went on; a few steps, and i turned: a sliding sound and an ⁸⁹ of 'what the deuce is to do now?' and a ⁹⁰ tumble, arrested my attention. man and horse were down; they had slipped on the sheet of ice which ⁹¹ the causeway. the dog came bounding back, and seeing his master in a predicament, and hearing the horse ⁹², barked till the evening hills echoed the sound, which was deep in proportion to his magnitude. he snuffed round the ⁹³ group, and then he ran up to me; it was all he could do,- there was no other help at hand to summon. i obeyed him, and walked down to the traveller, by this time struggling himself free of his steed. his efforts were so vigorous, i thought he could not be much hurt; but i asked him the question-

 

'are you injured, sir?'

 

i think he was swearing, but am not certain; however, he was pronouncing some formula which prevented him from replying to me directly.

 

'can i do anything?' i asked again.

 

'you must just stand on one side,' he answered as he rose, first to his knees, and then to his feet. i did; whereupon began a heaving, stamping, clattering process, accompanied by a barking and baying which removed me effectually some yards' distance; but i would not be driven quite away till i saw the event. this was finally fortunate;  the horse was re-established, and the dog was silenced with a 'down, pilot!' the traveller now, stooping, felt his foot and leg, as if trying whether they were sound; ⁹⁴ something ⁹⁵ them, for he halted to the stile whence i had just risen, and sat down.

 

i was in the mood for being useful, or at least officious, i think, for i now drew near him again.

 

'if you are hurt, and want help, sir, i can fetch some one either from thornfield hall or from hay.'

 

'thank you: i shall do: i have no broken bones,- only a ⁹⁶;' and again he stood up and tried his foot, but the result ⁹⁷ an involuntary 'ugh!'

 

something of daylight still lingered, and the moon was waxing bright: i could see him plainly. his figure was enveloped in a riding cloak, fur collared and steel clasped; its details were not apparent, but i traced the general points of middle height and considerable breadth of chest. he had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; his eyes and gathered ⁹⁸ looked ireful and thwarted just now; he was past youth, but had not reached middle-age; perhaps he might be thirty-five. i felt no fear of him, and but little shyness. had he been a handsome, heroic-looking young gentleman, i should not have dared to stand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my services unasked. i had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my life spoken to one. i had a theoretical ⁹⁹ and ¹⁰⁰ for beauty, ¹⁰¹, gallantry, ¹⁰²; but had i met those qualities ¹⁰³ in masculine shape, i should have known ¹⁰⁴ that they neither had nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and should have ¹⁰⁵ them as one would fire, lightning, or anything else that is bright but antipathetic.

 

if even this stranger had smiled and been good-humoured to me when i addressed him; if he had put off my offer of assistance ¹⁰⁶ and with thanks, i should have gone on my way and not felt any ¹⁰⁷ to renew ¹⁰⁸: but the frown, the roughness of the traveller, set me at my ease: i retained my station when he waved to me to go, and announced-'i cannot think of leaving you, sir, at so late an hour, in this solitary lane, till i see you are fit to mount your horse.'

 

he looked at me when i said this; he had hardly turned his eyes in my direction before.

 

'i should think you ought to be at home yourself,' said he, 'if you have a home in this neighbourhood: where do you come from?'

 

'from just below; and i am not at all afraid of being out late when it is moonlight: i will run over to hay for you with pleasure, if you wish it: indeed, i am going there to post a letter.'#p#分页标题#e#

 

'you live just below- do you mean at that house with the battlements?' pointing to thornfield hall, on which the moon cast a ¹⁰⁹ gleam, bringing it out distinct and pale from the woods, that, by contrast with the western sky, now seemed one mass of shadow.

 

'yes, sir.'

 

'whose house is it?'

 

'mr. rochester's.'

 

'do you know mr. rochester?'

 

'no, i have never seen him.'

 

'he is not resident, then?'

 

'no.'

 

'can you tell me where he is?'

 

'i cannot.'

 

'you are not a servant at the hall, of course. you are-' he stopped, ran his eye over my dress, which, as usual, was quite simple: a black merino cloak, a black ¹¹⁰ bonnet; neither of them half fine enough for a lady's-maid. he seemed puzzled to decide what i was; i helped him.

 

'i am the governess.'

 

'ah, the governess!' he repeated; 'deuce take me, if i had not forgotten! the governess!' and again my raiment underwent ¹¹¹. in two minutes he rose from the stile: his face expressed pain when he tried to move.

 

'i cannot commission you to fetch help,' he said; 'but you may help me a little yourself, if you will be so kind.'

 

'yes, sir.'

 

'you have not an umbrella that i can use as a stick?'

 

'no.'

 

'try to get hold of my horse's ¹¹² and lead him to me: you are not afraid?'

 

i should have been afraid to touch a horse when alone, but when told to do it, i was disposed to obey. i put down my muff on the stile, and went up to the tall steed; i endeavoured to catch the bridle, but it was a spirited thing, and would not let me come near its head; i made effort on effort, though in vain: meantime, i was mortally afraid of its ¹¹³ forefeet. the traveller waited and watched for some time, and at last he laughed.

 

'i see,' he said, 'the mountain will never be brought to mahomet, so all you can do is to aid mahomet to go to the mountain; i must beg of you to come here.'

 

i came. 'excuse me,' he continued: 'necessity compels me to make you useful.' he laid a heavy hand on my shoulder, and leaning on me with some stress, limped to his horse. having once caught the bridle, he mastered it directly and sprang to his saddle; ¹¹⁴ grimly as he made the effort, for it ¹¹⁵ his sprain.

 

'now,' said he, releasing his under lip from a hard bite, 'just hand me my whip; it lies there under the hedge.' i sought it and found it.

 

'thank you; now make haste with the letter to hay, and return as fast as you can.'

 

a touch of a spurred heel made his horse first start and rear, and then bound away; the dog rushed in his traces; all three vanished, 'like heath that, in the ¹¹⁶, the wild wind whirls away.'

 

i took up my muff and walked on. the incident had occurred and was gone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a ¹¹⁷ life. my help had been needed and claimed; i had given it: i was pleased to have done something; trivial, transitory though the deed was, it was yet an active thing, and i was weary of an existence all passive. the new face, too, was like a new picture introduced to the gallery of memory; and it was dissimilar to all the others hanging there: firstly, because it was masculine; and, ¹¹⁸, because it was dark, strong, and stern. i had it still before me when i entered hay, and slipped the letter into the post-office; i saw it as i walked fast down-hill all the way home.

 

when i came to the stile, i stopped a minute, looked round and listened, with an idea that a horse's ¹¹⁹ might ring on the causeway again, and that a rider in a cloak, and a gytrash-like newfoundland dog, might be again apparent: i saw only the hedge and a pollard ¹²⁰ before me, rising up still and straight to meet the moonbeams; i heard only the faintest ¹²¹ of wind roaming fitful among the trees round thornfield, a mile distant; and when i glanced down in the direction of the ⁴⁵, my eye, traversing the hall-front, caught a light ¹²² in a window: it reminded me that i was late, and i hurried on.

 

i did not like re-entering thornfield. to pass its threshold was to return to stagnation; to cross the silent hall, to ¹²³ the darksome staircase, to seek my own lonely little room, and then to meet tranquil mrs. fairfax, and spend the long winter evening with her, and her only, was to ¹²⁴ wholly the faint excitement wakened by my walk,- to slip again over my faculties the viewless ¹²⁵ of an uniform and too still existence; of an existence whose very privileges of security and ease i was becoming ¹²⁶ of appreciating. what good it would have done me at that time to have been tossed in the storms of an uncertain struggling life, and to have been taught by rough and bitter experience to long for the calm amidst which i now repined! yes, just as much good as it would do a man tired of sitting still in a 'too easy chair' to take a long walk: and just as natural was the wish to stir, under my circumstances, as it would be under his.#p#分页标题#e#

 

i lingered at the gates; i lingered on the lawn; i paced backwards and forwards on the pavement; the ¹²⁷ of the glass door were closed; i could not see into the interior; and both my eyes and spirit seemed drawn from the gloomy house- from the grey hollow filled with rayless cells, as it appeared to me- to that sky expanded before me,- a blue sea ¹²⁸ from ¹²⁹ of cloud; the moon ¹³⁰ it in solemn march; her ¹³¹ seeming to look up as she left the hill-tops, from behind which she had come, far and farther below her, and ¹³² to the zenith, midnight dark in its ¹³³ depth and measureless distance; and for those trembling stars that followed her course; they made my heart tremble, my ¹³⁴ glow when i viewed them. little things recall us to earth; the clock struck in the hall; that sufficed; i turned from moon and stars, opened a side-door, and went in.

 

the hall was not dark, nor yet was it lit, only by the high-hung bronze lamp; a warm glow ¹³⁵ both it and the lower steps of the oak staircase. this ruddy shine issued from the great dining-room, whose two-leaved door stood open, and showed a ¹³⁶ fire in the grate, glancing on marble ¹³⁷ and ¹³⁸ fire-irons, and revealing purple draperies and polished furniture, in the most pleasant radiance. it revealed, too, a group near the mantelpiece: i had scarcely caught it, and scarcely become aware of a cheerful ¹³⁹ of voices, amongst which i seemed to distinguish the tones of adele, when the door closed.

 

i hastened to mrs. fairfax's room; there was a fire there too, but no candle, and no mrs. fairfax. instead, all alone, sitting upright on the rug, and gazing with gravity at the blaze, i ¹⁴⁰ a great black and white long-haired dog, just like the gytrash of the lane. it was so like it that i went forward and said- 'pilot,' and the thing got up and came to me and snuffed me. i ¹⁴¹ him, and he wagged his great tail; but he looked an ¹⁴² creature to be alone with, and i could not tell whence he had come. i rang the bell, for i wanted a candle; and i wanted, too, to get an account of this visitant. leah entered.

 

'what dog is this?'

 

'he came with master.'

 

'with whom?'

 

'with master- mr. rochester- he is just arrived.'

 

'indeed! and is mrs. fairfax with him?'

 

'yes, and miss adele; they are in the dining-room, and john is gone for a surgeon; for master has had an accident; his horse fell and his ankle is ¹⁴³.'

 

'did the horse fall in hay lane?'

 

'yes, coming down-hill; it slipped on some ice.'

 

'ah! bring me a candle, will you, leah?'

 

leah brought it; she entered, followed by mrs. fairfax, who repeated the news; adding that mr. carter the surgeon was come, and was now with mr. rochester: then she hurried out to give orders about tea, and i went upstairs to take off my things.

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