for several subsequent days i saw little of mr. rochester. in the mornings he seemed much engaged with business, and, in the afternoon, gentlemen from millcote or the neighbourhood called, and sometimes stayed to dine with him. when his 1 was well enough to admit of horse exercise, he rode out a good deal; probably to return these visits, as he generally did not come back till late at night.
during this 2, even adele was seldom sent for to his presence, and all my acquaintance with him was confined to an occasional rencontre in the hall, on the stairs, or in the gallery, when he would sometimes pass me 4 and coldly, just acknowledging my presence by a distant nod or a cool glance, and sometimes bow and smile with gentlemanlike affability. his changes of mood did not offend me, because i saw that i had nothing to do with their alternation; the 5 and flow depended on causes quite disconnected with me.
one day he had had company to dinner, and had sent for my 6; in order, doubtless, to exhibit its contents: the gentlemen went away early, to attend a public meeting at millcote, as mrs. fairfax informed me; but the night being wet and 7, mr. rochester did not accompany them. soon after they were gone he rang the bell: a message came that i and adele were to go downstairs. i brushed adele's hair and made her neat, and having 9 that i was myself in my usual quaker trim, where there was nothing to retouch-- all being too close and plain, braided locks included, to admit of disarrangement--we 10, adele wondering whether the petit coffre was at length come; for, owing to some mistake, its arrival had hitherto been delayed. she was gratified: there it stood, a little carton, on the table when we entered the dining-room. she appeared to know it by instinct.
"ma boite! ma boite!" exclaimed she, running towards it.
"yes, there is your 'boite' at last: take it into a corner, you genuine daughter of paris, and amuse yourself with disembowelling it," said the deep and rather 11 voice of mr. rochester, 12 from the depths of an immense easy-chair at the fireside. "and mind," he continued, "don't bother me with any details of the anatomical process, or any notice of the condition of the entrails: let your operation be conducted in silence: tiens-toi tranquille, enfant; comprends-tu?"
adele seemed scarcely to need the warning--she had already 13 to a sofa with her treasure, and was busy 14 the cord which secured the lid. having removed this impediment, and lifted certain silvery envelopes of tissue paper, she merely exclaimed -
"oh ciel! que c'est beau!" and then remained absorbed in ecstatic contemplation.
"is miss eyre there?" now demanded the master, half rising from his seat to look round to the door, near which i still stood.
"ah! well, come forward; be seated here." he drew a chair near his own. "i am not fond of the 16 of children," he continued; "for, old bachelor as i am, i have no pleasant associations connected with their lisp. it would be intolerable to me to pass a whole evening tete-e-tete with a 17. don't draw that chair farther off, miss eyre; sit down exactly where i placed it--if you please, that is. confound these civilities! i continually forget them. nor do i particularly affect simple-minded old ladies. by- the-bye, i must have mine in mind; it won't do to neglect her; she is a fairfax, or 18 to one; and blood is said to be thicker than water."
he rang, and despatched an invitation to mrs. fairfax, who soon arrived, knitting-basket in hand.
"good evening, madam; i sent to you for a charitable purpose. i have forbidden adele to talk to me about her presents, and she is bursting with 19: have the goodness to serve her as auditress and interlocutrice; it will be one of the most 20 acts you ever performed."
adele, indeed, no sooner saw mrs. fairfax, than she summoned her to her sofa, and there quickly filled her lap with the 21, the ivory, the waxen contents of her "boite;" pouring out, meantime, explanations and 23 in such broken english as she was mistress of.
"now i have performed the part of a good host," pursued mr. rochester, "put my guests into the way of amusing each other, i ought to be at liberty to attend to my own pleasure. miss eyre, draw your chair still a little farther forward: you are yet too far back; i cannot see you without disturbing my position in this comfortable chair, which i have no mind to do."
i did as i was bid, though i would much rather have remained somewhat in the shade; but mr. rochester had such a direct way of giving orders, it seemed a matter of course to obey him 24.
we were, as i have said, in the dining-room: the 25, which had been lit for dinner, filled the room with a festal breadth of light; the large fire was all red and clear; the purple curtains hung rich and ample before the lofty window and loftier arch; everything was still, save the 26 chat of adele (she dared not speak loud), and, filling up each pause, the beating of winter rain against the 27.
mr. rochester, as he sat in his damask-covered chair, looked different to what i had seen him look before; not quite so stern-- much less gloomy. there was a smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled, whether with wine or not, i am not sure; but i think it very probable. he was, in short, in his after-dinner mood; more expanded and 28, and also more self-indulgent than the 29 and 30 temper of the morning; still he looked preciously grim, cushioning his massive head against the 31 back of his chair, and receiving the light of the fire on his granite-hewn features, and in his great, dark eyes; for he had great, dark eyes, and very fine eyes, too--not without a certain change in their depths sometimes, which, if it was not softness, reminded you, at least, of that feeling.
he had been looking two minutes at the fire, and i had been looking the same length of time at him, when, turning suddenly, he caught my gaze fastened on his physiognomy.
"you examine me, miss eyre," said he: "do you think me handsome?"
i should, if i had deliberated, have replied to this question by something conventionally vague and polite; but the answer somehow slipped from my tongue before i was aware--"no, sir."
"ah! by my word! there is something singular about you," said he: "you have the air of a little nonnette; 3, quiet, grave, and simple, as you sit with your hands before you, and your eyes generally 32 on the carpet (except, by-the-bye, when they are directed piercingly to my face; as just now, for instance); and when one asks you a question, or makes a remark to which you are obliged to reply, you rap out a round rejoinder, which, if not blunt, is at least brusque. what do you mean by it?"
"sir, i was too plain; i beg your pardon. i ought to have replied that it was not easy to give an 33 answer to a question about appearances; that tastes mostly differ; and that beauty is of little consequence, or something of that sort."
"you ought to have replied no such thing. beauty of little consequence, indeed! and so, under 34 of 35 the previous 36, of stroking and 37 me into 38, you stick a sly penknife under my ear! go on: what fault do you find with me, pray? i suppose i have all my limbs and all my features like any other man?"
"mr. rochester, allow me to disown my first answer: i intended no 39 40: it was only a blunder."
"just so: i think so: and you shall be answerable for it. 41 me: does my forehead not please you?"
he lifted up the 42 waves of hair which lay horizontally over his brow, and showed a solid enough mass of intellectual organs, but an 43 deficiency where the 44 sign of 45 should have risen.
"now, ma'am, am i a fool?"
"far from it, sir. you would, perhaps, think me rude if i inquired in return whether you are a philanthropist?"
"there again! another stick of the penknife, when she pretended to pat my head: and that is because i said i did not like the society of children and old women (low be it spoken!). no, young lady, i am not a general philanthropist; but i bear a conscience;" and he pointed to the 47 which are said to indicate that 48, and which, fortunately for him, were 49 50; giving, indeed, a marked breadth to the upper part of his head: "and, besides, i once had a kind of rude tenderness of heart. when i was as old as you, i was a feeling fellow enough, partial to the unfledged, unfostered, and unlucky; but fortune has knocked me about since: she has even kneaded me with her 51, and now i flatter myself i am hard and tough as an india-rubber ball; pervious, though, through a chink or two still, and with one 52 point in the middle of the lump. yes: does that leave hope for me?"
"hope of what, sir?"
"of my final re-transformation from india-rubber back to flesh?"
"decidedly he has had too much wine," i thought; and i did not know what answer to make to his queer question: how could i tell whether he was capable of being re-transformed?
"you looked very much puzzled, miss eyre; and though you are not pretty any more than i am handsome, yet a puzzled air becomes you; besides, it is convenient, for it keeps those searching eyes of yours away from my physiognomy, and busies them with the worsted flowers of the rug; so puzzle on. young lady, i am disposed to be 53 and communicative to-night."
with this announcement he rose from his chair, and stood, leaning his arm on the marble mantelpiece: in that attitude his shape was seen plainly as well as his face; his unusual breadth of chest, disproportionate almost to his length of limb. i am sure most people would have thought him an ugly man; yet there was so much unconscious pride in his port; so much ease in his demeanour; such a look of complete 54 to his own external appearance; so 55 a reliance on the power of other qualities, intrinsic or 56, to 57 for the lack of 15 personal attractiveness, that, in looking at him, one 58 shared the indifference, and, even in a blind, imperfect sense, put faith in the confidence.
"i am disposed to be gregarious and communicative to-night," he repeated, "and that is why i sent for you: the fire and the chandelier were not sufficient company for me; nor would pilot have been, for none of these can talk. adele is a degree better, but still far below the mark; mrs. fairfax ditto; you, i am persuaded, can suit me if you will: you puzzled me the first evening i invited you down here. i have almost forgotten you since: other ideas have driven yours from my head; but to-night i am resolved to be at ease; to dismiss what 59, and recall what pleases. it would please me now to draw you out--to learn more of you--therefore speak."
instead of speaking, i smiled; and not a very 60 or submissive smile either.
"speak," he urged.
"what about, sir?"
"whatever you like. i leave both the choice of subject and the manner of treating it 61 to yourself."
accordingly i sat and said nothing: "if he expects me to talk for the mere sake of talking and showing off, he will find he has addressed himself to the wrong person," i thought.
"you are dumb, miss eyre."
i was dumb still. he bent his head a little towards me, and with a single hasty glance seemed to dive into my eyes.
"stubborn?" he said, "and annoyed. ah! it is consistent. i put my request in an absurd, almost 62 form. miss eyre, i beg your pardon. the fact is, once for all, i don't wish to treat you like an inferior: that is" (correcting himself), "i claim only such superiority as must result from twenty years' difference in age and a century's advance in experience. this is 63, et j'y tiens, as adele would say; and it is by 64 of this superiority, and this alone, that i desire you to have the goodness to talk to me a little now, and divert my thoughts, which are 65 with 66 on one point--cankering as a 67 nail."
he had 68 an explanation, almost an apology, and i did not feel insensible to his 69, and would not seem so.
"i am willing to amuse you, if i can, sir--quite willing; but i cannot introduce a topic, because how do i know what will interest you? ask me questions, and i will do my best to answer them."
"then, in the first place, do you agree with me that i have a right to be a little masterful, abrupt, perhaps 70, sometimes, on the grounds i stated, namely, that i am old enough to be your father, and that i have battled through a 71 experience with many men of many nations, and roamed over half the globe, while you have lived quietly with one set of people in one house?"
"do as you please, sir."
"that is no answer; or rather it is a very irritating, because a very evasive one. reply clearly."
"i don't think, sir, you have a right to command me, merely because you are older than i, or because you have seen more of the world than i have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience."
"humph! promptly spoken. but i won't allow that, seeing that it would never suit my case, as i have made an indifferent, not to say a bad, use of both advantages. leaving superiority out of the question, then, you must still agree to receive my orders now and then, without being 72 or hurt by the tone of command. will you?"
i smiled: i thought to myself mr. rochester is peculiar--he seems to forget that he pays me 30 pounds per annum for receiving his orders.
"the smile is very well," said he, 73 instantly the passing expression; "but speak too."
"i was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselves to inquire whether or not their paid subordinates were piqued and hurt by their orders."
"paid subordinates! what! you are my paid subordinate, are you? oh yes, i had forgotten the salary! well then, on that mercenary ground, will you agree to let me hector a little?"
"no, sir, not on that ground; but, on the ground that you did forget it, and that you care whether or not a dependent is comfortable in his dependency, i agree 74."
"and will you consent to 75 with a great many conventional forms and phrases, without thinking that the 76 arises from 77?"
"i am sure, sir, i should never mistake informality for insolence: one i rather like, the other nothing free-born would submit to, even for a salary."
"78! most things free-born will submit to anything for a salary; therefore, keep to yourself, and don't venture on generalities of which you are intensely ignorant. however, i mentally shake hands with you for your answer, despite its inaccuracy; and as much for the manner in which it was said, as for the substance of the speech; the manner was frank and sincere; one does not often see such a manner: no, on the contrary, affectation, or coldness, or stupid, coarse-minded misapprehension of one's meaning are the usual rewards of candour. not three in three thousand raw school-girl-governesses would have answered me as you have just done. but i don't mean to flatter you: if you are cast in a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours: nature did it. and then, after all, i go too fast in my conclusions: for what i yet know, you may be no better than the rest; you may have intolerable defects to counterbalance your few good points."
"and so may you," i thought. my eye met his as the idea crossed my mind: he seemed to read the glance, answering as if its import had been spoken as well as imagined -
"yes, yes, you are right," said he; "i have plenty of faults of my own: i know it, and i don't wish to palliate them, i assure you. god wot i need not be too severe about others; i have a past existence, a series of deeds, a colour of life to 79 within my own breast, which might well call my 80 and 81 from my neighbours to myself. i started, or rather (for like other defaulters, i like to lay half the blame on ill fortune and 82 circumstances) was thrust on to a wrong 83 at the age of one-and- twenty, and have never recovered the right course since: but i might have been very different; i might have been as good as you-- wiser--almost as 84. i envy you your peace of mind, your clean conscience, your unpolluted memory. little girl, a memory without 85 or contamination must be an 86 treasure--an inexhaustible source of pure 87: is it not?"
"how was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?"
"all right then; 88, salubrious: no 89 of bilge water had turned it to fetid 90. i was your equal at eighteen--quite your equal. nature meant me to be, on the whole, a good man, miss eyre; one of the better kind, and you see i am not so. you would say you don't see it; at least i flatter myself i read as much in your eye (beware, by-the-bye, what you express with that organ; i am quick at interpreting its language). then take my word for it,--i am not a 91: you are not to suppose that--not to attribute to me any such bad 92; but, owing, i verily believe, rather to circumstances than to my natural bent, i am a 93 commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor petty dissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life. do you wonder that i 94 this to you? know, that in the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances' secrets: people will 95 find out, as i have done, that it is not your 96 to tell of yourself, but to listen while others talk of themselves; they will feel, too, that you listen with no 97 scorn of their indiscretion, but with a kind of 98 sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very unobtrusive in its 99."
"how do you know?--how can you guess all this, sir?"
"i know it well; therefore i proceed almost as freely as if i were writing my thoughts in a diary. you would say, i should have been superior to circumstances; so i should--so i should; but you see i was not. when fate wronged me, i had not the wisdom to remain cool: i turned desperate; then i 101. now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his 102 ribaldry, i cannot flatter myself that i am better than he: i am forced to confess that he and i are on a level. i wish i had stood firm--god knows i do! 103 104 when you are 105 to 106, miss eyre; remorse is the poison of life."
"107 is said to be its cure, sir."
"it is not its cure. reformation may be its cure; and i could reform--i have strength yet for that--if--but where is the use of thinking of it, 108, burdened, cursed as i am? besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, i have a right to get pleasure out of life: and i will get it, cost what it may."
"then you will 100 still more, sir."
"possibly: yet why should i, if i can get sweet, fresh pleasure? and i may get it as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on the 109."
"it will sting--it will taste bitter, sir."
"how do you know?--you never tried it. how very serious--how very solemn you look: and you are as ignorant of the matter as this cameo head" (taking one from the mantelpiece). "you have no right to preach to me, you 110, that have not passed the porch of life, and are absolutely unacquainted with its mysteries."
"i only remind you of your own words, sir: you said error brought remorse, and you pronounced remorse the poison of existence."
"and who talks of error now? i scarcely think the notion that flittered across my brain was an error. i believe it was an inspiration rather than a temptation: it was very genial, very soothing--i know that. here it comes again! it is no devil, i assure you; or if it be, it has put on the robes of an angel of light. i think i must admit so fair a guest when it asks entrance to my heart."
"distrust it, sir; it is not a true angel."
"once more, how do you know? by what instinct do you pretend to distinguish between a fallen 111 of the abyss and a messenger from the eternal throne--between a guide and a 112?"
"i judged by your 113, sir, which was troubled when you said the suggestion had returned upon you. i feel sure it will work you more 114 if you listen to it."
"not at all--it bears the most gracious message in the world: for the rest, you are not my conscience-keeper, so don't make yourself uneasy. here, come in, bonny wanderer!"
he said this as if he 46 to a vision, viewless to any eye but his own; then, folding his arms, which he had half extended, on his chest, he seemed to enclose in their embrace the invisible being.
"now," he continued, again addressing me, "i have received the pilgrim--a disguised 115, as i verify believe. already it has done me good: my heart was a sort of charnel; it will now be a 116."
"to speak truth, sir, i don't understand you at all: i cannot keep up the conversation, because it has got out of my depth. only one thing, i know: you said you were not as good as you should like to be, and that you regretted your own imperfection;--one thing i can comprehend: you intimated that to have a sullied memory was a perpetual bane. it seems to me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible to become what you yourself would approve; and that if from this day you began with resolution to correct your thoughts and actions, you would in a few years have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, to which you might 117 with pleasure."
"justly thought; rightly said, miss eyre; and, at this moment, i am paving hell with energy."
"sir?"
"i am laying down good intentions, which i believe 118 as flint. certainly, my associates and pursuits shall be other than they have been."
"and better?"
"and better--so much better as pure ore is than 119 120. you seem to doubt me; i don't doubt myself: i know what my aim is, what my 121 are; and at this moment i pass a law, unalterable as that of the medes and persians, that both are right."
"they cannot be, sir, if they require a new 122 to legalise them."
"they are, miss eyre, though they absolutely require a new statute: unheard-of combinations of circumstances demand unheard-of rules."
"that sounds a dangerous 123, sir; because one can see at once that it is liable to abuse."
"sententious 8! so it is: but i swear by my household gods not to abuse it."
"you are human and fallible."
"i am: so are you--what then?"
"the human and fallible should not 124 a power with which the divine and perfect alone can be safely intrusted."
"what power?"
"that of saying of any strange, unsanctioned line of action,--'let it be right.'"
"'let it be right'--the very words: you have pronounced them."
"may it be right then," i said, as i rose, deeming it useless to continue a 125 which was all darkness to me; and, besides, sensible that the character of my interlocutor was beyond my 126; at least, beyond its present reach; and feeling the 127, the vague sense of insecurity, which accompanies a conviction of ignorance.
"where are you going?"
"to put adele to bed: it is past her bedtime."
"you are afraid of me, because i talk like a sphynx."
"your language is enigmatical, sir: but though i am bewildered, i am certainly not afraid."
"you are afraid--your self-love 128 a blunder."
"in that sense i do feel apprehensive--i have no wish to talk nonsense."
"if you did, it would be in such a grave, quiet manner, i should mistake it for sense. do you never laugh, miss eyre? don't trouble yourself to answer--i see you laugh rarely; but you can laugh very merrily: believe me, you are not naturally 129, any more than i am naturally vicious. the lowood 130 still clings to you somewhat; controlling your features, 131 your voice, and restricting your limbs; and you fear in the presence of a man and a brother--or father, or master, or what you will--to smile too 132, speak too freely, or move too quickly: but, in time, i think you will learn to be natural with me, as i find it impossible to be conventional with you; and then your looks and movements will have more 133 and variety than they dare offer now. i see at 134 the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, 135 captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high. you are still bent on going?"
"it has struck nine, sir."
"never mind,--wait a minute: adele is not ready to go to bed yet. my position, miss eyre, with my back to the fire, and my face to the room, favours observation. while talking to you, i have also occasionally watched adele (i have my own reasons for thinking her a curious study,--reasons that i may, 136, that i shall, impart to you some day). she pulled out of her box, about ten minutes ago, a little pink silk frock; 22 lit her face as she unfolded it; coquetry runs in her blood, blends with her brains, and seasons the 137 of her bones. 'il faut que je l'essaie!' cried she, 'et e l'instant meme!' and she rushed out of the room. she is now with sophie, undergoing a robing process: in a few minutes she will re- enter; and i know what i shall see,--a miniature of celine varens, as she used to appear on the boards at the rising of-- but never mind that. however, my tenderest feelings are about to receive a shock: such is my 138; stay now, to see whether it will be realised."
ere long, adele's little foot was heard tripping across the hall. she entered, transformed as her 139 had predicted. a dress of rose-coloured satin, very short, and as full in the skirt as it could be gathered, replaced the brown frock she had 140 worn; a wreath of 141 circled her forehead; her feet were dressed in silk stockings and small white satin sandals.
"est-ce que ma robe va bien?" cried she, bounding forwards; "et mes souliers? et mes bas? tenez, je crois que je vais danser!"
and spreading out her dress, she chasseed across the room till, having reached mr. rochester, she wheeled lightly round before him on tip-toe, then dropped on one knee at his feet, exclaiming -
"monsieur, je vous remercie mille fois de votre bonte;" then rising, she added, "c'est comme cela que maman faisait, n'est-ce pas, monsieur?"
"pre-cise-ly!" was the answer; "and, 'comme cela,' she charmed my english gold out of my british breeches' pocket. i have been green, too, miss eyre,--ay, grass green: not a more vernal 142 freshens you now than once freshened me. my spring is gone, however, but it has left me that french floweret on my hands, which, in some moods, i would fain be rid of. not valuing now the root whence it sprang; having found that it was of a sort which nothing but gold dust could 143, i have but half a 144 to the blossom, especially when it looks so artificial as just now. i keep it and rear it rather on the roman catholic principle of 145 numerous sins, great or small, by one good work. i'll explain all this some day. good- night."
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