the promise of a smooth career, which my first calm introduction to thornfield hall seemed to pledge, was not 1 on a longer acquaintance with the place and its 2. mrs. fairfax turned out to be what she appeared, a placid-tempered, kind-natured woman, of competent education and average intelligence. my pupil was a lively child, who had been spoilt and indulged, and therefore was sometimes wayward; but as she was committed 3 to my care, and no injudicious interference from any quarter ever 4 my plans for her improvement, she soon forgot her little freaks, and became obedient and teachable. she had no great talents, no marked traits of character, no 5 development of feeling or taste which raised her one inch above the ordinary level of childhood; but neither had she any deficiency or 7 which sunk her below it. she made reasonable progress, entertained for me a 8, though perhaps not very profound, affection; and by her 9, gay 10, and efforts to please, inspired me, in return, with a degree of 11 sufficient to make us both content in each other's society.
this, 12 parenthese, will be thought cool language by persons who entertain solemn 13 about the angelic nature of children, and the duty of those charged with their education to conceive for them an idolatrous devotion: but i am not writing to flatter 14 egotism, to echo 15, or 16 up 17; i am merely telling the truth. i felt a 18 19 for adele's welfare and progress, and a quiet 20 for her little self: just as i cherished towards mrs. fairfax a thankfulness for her kindness, and a pleasure in her society proportionate to the 21 regard she had for me, and the moderation of her mind and character.
anybody may blame me who likes, when i add further, that, now and then, when i took a walk by myself in the grounds; when i went down to the gates and looked through them along the road; or when, while adele played with her nurse, and mrs. fairfax made jellies in the storeroom, i climbed the three staircases, raised the trap-door of the 22, and having reached the leads, looked out afar over 23 field and hill, and along dim sky-line--that then i longed for a power of vision which might 24 that limit; which might reach the busy world, towns, regions full of life i had heard of but never seen--that then i desired more of practical experience than i 25; more of 26 with my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character, than was here within my reach. i valued what was good in mrs. fairfax, and what was good in adele; but i believed in the existence of other and more vivid kinds of goodness, and what i believed in i wished to 27.
who blames me? many, no doubt; and i shall be called discontented. i could not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it 28 me to pain sometimes. then my sole relief was to walk along the corridor of the third storey, 29 and forwards, safe in the silence and 30 of the spot, and allow my mind's eye to dwell on whatever bright visions rose before it--and, certainly, they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved by the 31 movement, which, while it 32 it in trouble, expanded it with life; and, best of all, to open my inward ear to a tale that was never ended--a tale my imagination created, and 33 continuously; quickened with all of incident, life, fire, feeling, that i desired and had not in my actual existence.
it is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with 34: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. millions are 35 to a stiller 37 than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions 38 in the masses of life which people earth. women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their 39, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too 40 a restraint, too absolute a 41, 42 as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and 43 bags. it is thoughtless to 36 them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.
when thus alone, i not unfrequently heard grace poole's laugh: the same 44, the same low, slow ha! ha! which, when first heard, had thrilled me: i heard, too, her eccentric 45; stranger than her laugh. there were days when she was quite silent; but there were others when i could not account for the sounds she made. sometimes i saw her: she would come out of her room with a basin, or a plate, or a tray in her hand, go down to the kitchen and shortly return, generally (oh, romantic reader, forgive me for telling the plain truth!) bearing a pot of porter. her appearance always acted as a damper to the curiosity raised by her oral oddities: hard-featured and staid, she had no point to which interest could attach. i made some attempts to draw her into conversation, but she seemed a person of few words: a monosyllabic reply usually cut short every effort of that sort.
the other members of the household, viz., john and his wife, leah the housemaid, and sophie the french nurse, were decent people; but in no respect 47; with sophie i used to talk french, and sometimes i asked her questions about her native country; but she was not of a descriptive or 48 turn, and generally gave such 49 and confused answers as were calculated rather to check than encourage 50.
october, november, december passed away. one afternoon in january, mrs. fairfax had begged a holiday for adele, because she had a cold; and, as adele seconded the request with an ardour that reminded me how precious occasional holidays had been to me in my own childhood, i accorded it, deeming that i did well in showing 51 on the point. it was a fine, calm day, though very cold; i was tired of sitting still in the library through a whole long morning: mrs. fairfax had just written a letter which was waiting to be posted, so i put on my 52 and cloak and volunteered to carry it to hay; the distance, two miles, would be a pleasant winter afternoon walk. having seen adele comfortably seated in her little chair by mrs. fairfax's parlour fireside, and given her her best wax doll (which i usually kept 53 in silver paper in a drawer) to play with, and a story-book for change of amusement; and having replied to her "revenez bientot, ma bonne amie, ma chere mdlle. jeannette," with a kiss i set out.
the ground was hard, the air was still, my road was lonely; i walked fast till i got warm, and then i walked slowly to enjoy and analyse the species of pleasure brooding for me in the hour and situation. it was three o'clock; the church bell 54 as i passed under the belfry: the charm of the hour lay in its approaching dimness, in the low-gliding and pale-beaming sun. i was a mile from thornfield, in a lane 55 for wild roses in summer, for nuts and blackberries in autumn, and even now possessing a few coral treasures in 56 and haws, but whose best winter delight lay in its utter solitude and leafless 57. if a breath of air stirred, it made no sound here; for there was not a 58, not an 59 to 60, and the stripped 61 and hazel bushes were as still as the white, worn stones which causewayed the middle of the path. far and wide, on each side, there were only fields, where no cattle now 62; and the little brown birds, which stirred occasionally in the hedge, looked like single russet leaves that had forgotten to drop.
this lane inclined up-hill all the way to hay; having reached the middle, i sat down on a stile which led thence into a field. 63 my 64 about me, and sheltering my hands in my muff, i did not feel the cold, though it froze keenly; as was 65 by a sheet of ice covering the causeway, where a little 66, now 67, had 68 after a rapid 69 some days since. from my seat i could look down on thornfield: the grey and battlemented hall was the principal object in the vale below me; its woods and dark rookery rose against the west. i lingered till the sun went down amongst the trees, and sank 70 and clear behind them. i then turned 71.
on the hill-top above me sat the rising moon; pale yet as a cloud, but brightening momentarily, she looked over hay, which, half lost in trees, sent up a blue smoke from its few chimneys: it was yet a mile distant, but in the absolute 72 i could hear plainly its thin murmurs of life. my ear, too, felt the flow of currents; in what dales and depths i could not tell: but there were many hills beyond hay, and doubtless many becks threading their passes. that evening calm betrayed alike the 73 of the nearest streams, the sough of the most remote.
a rude noise broke on these fine ripplings and whisperings, at once so far away and so clear: a positive tramp, tramp, a 74 75, which 76 the soft wave-wanderings; as, in a picture, the solid mass of a crag, or the rough boles of a great oak, 78 in dark and strong on the foreground, 77 the aerial distance of 79 hill, sunny horizon, and blended clouds where 80 melts into tint.
the 6 was on the causeway: a horse was coming; the 81 of the lane yet hid it, but it approached. i was just leaving the stile; yet, as the path was narrow, i sat still to let it go by. in those days i was young, and all sorts of fancies bright and dark tenanted my mind: the memories of nursery stories were there amongst other rubbish; and when they 83, maturing youth added to them a 84 and vividness beyond what childhood could give. as this horse approached, and as i watched for it to appear through the dusk, i remembered certain of bessie's tales, wherein figured a north-of-england spirit called a "gytrash," which, in the form of horse, 85, or large dog, haunted 86 ways, and sometimes came upon belated travellers, as this horse was now coming upon me.
it was very near, but not yet in sight; when, in addition to the tramp, tramp, i heard a rush under the hedge, and close down by the hazel stems 87 a great dog, whose black and white colour made him a distinct object against the trees. it was exactly one form of bessie's gytrash--a lion-like creature with long hair and a huge head: it passed me, however, quietly enough; not staying to look up, with strange pretercanine eyes, in my face, as i half expected it would. the horse followed,--a tall steed, and on its back a rider. the man, the human being, broke the spell at once. nothing ever rode the gytrash: it was always alone; and goblins, to my notions, though they might 82 the dumb carcasses of beasts, could scarce 88 shelter in the commonplace human form. no gytrash was this,--only a traveller taking the short cut to millcote. he passed, and i went on; a few steps, and i turned: a sliding sound and an 89 of "what the deuce is to do now?" and a 90 tumble, arrested my attention. man and horse were down; they had slipped on the sheet of ice which 91 the causeway. the dog came bounding back, and seeing his master in a predicament, and hearing the horse 92, barked till the evening hills echoed the sound, which was deep in proportion to his magnitude. he snuffed round the 93 group, and then he ran up to me; it was all he could do,--there was no other help at hand to summon. i obeyed him, and walked down to the traveller, by this time struggling himself free of his steed. his efforts were so vigorous, i thought he could not be much hurt; but i asked him the question -
"are you injured, sir?"
i think he was swearing, but am not certain; however, he was pronouncing some formula which prevented him from replying to me directly.
"can i do anything?" i asked again.
"you must just stand on one side," he answered as he rose, first to his knees, and then to his feet. i did; whereupon began a heaving, stamping, clattering process, accompanied by a barking and baying which removed me effectually some yards' distance; but i would not be driven quite away till i saw the event. this was finally fortunate; the horse was re-established, and the dog was silenced with a "down, pilot!" the traveller now, stooping, felt his foot and leg, as if trying whether they were sound; 94 something 95 them, for he halted to the stile whence i had just risen, and sat down.
i was in the mood for being useful, or at least officious, i think, for i now drew near him again.
"if you are hurt, and want help, sir, i can fetch some one either from thornfield hall or from hay."
"thank you: i shall do: i have no broken bones,--only a 96;" and again he stood up and tried his foot, but the result 97 an involuntary "ugh!"
something of daylight still lingered, and the moon was waxing bright: i could see him plainly. his figure was enveloped in a riding cloak, fur collared and steel clasped; its details were not apparent, but i traced the general points of middle height and considerable breadth of chest. he had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; his eyes and gathered 98 looked ireful and thwarted just now; he was past youth, but had not reached middle-age; perhaps he might be thirty-five. i felt no fear of him, and but little shyness. had he been a handsome, heroic-looking young gentleman, i should not have dared to stand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my services unasked. i had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my life spoken to one. i had a theoretical 99 and 100 for beauty, 101, gallantry, 102; but had i met those qualities 103 in masculine shape, i should have known 104 that they neither had nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and should have 105 them as one would fire, lightning, or anything else that is bright but antipathetic.
if even this stranger had smiled and been good-humoured to me when i addressed him; if he had put off my offer of assistance 106 and with thanks, i should have gone on my way and not felt any 107 to renew 108: but the frown, the roughness of the traveller, set me at my ease: i retained my station when he waved to me to go, and announced -
"i cannot think of leaving you, sir, at so late an hour, in this solitary lane, till i see you are fit to mount your horse."
he looked at me when i said this; he had hardly turned his eyes in my direction before.
"i should think you ought to be at home yourself," said he, "if you have a home in this neighbourhood: where do you come from?"
"from just below; and i am not at all afraid of being out late when it is moonlight: i will run over to hay for you with pleasure, if you wish it: indeed, i am going there to post a letter."
"you live just below--do you mean at that house with the battlements?" pointing to thornfield hall, on which the moon cast a 109 gleam, bringing it out distinct and pale from the woods that, by contrast with the western sky, now seemed one mass of shadow.
"yes, sir."
"whose house is it?"
"mr. rochester's."
"do you know mr. rochester?"
"no, i have never seen him."
"he is not resident, then?"
"no."
"can you tell me where he is?"
"i cannot."
"you are not a servant at the hall, of course. you are--" he stopped, ran his eye over my dress, which, as usual, was quite simple: a black merino cloak, a black 110 bonnet; neither of them half fine enough for a lady's-maid. he seemed puzzled to decide what i was; i helped him.
"i am the governess."
"ah, the governess!" he repeated; "deuce take me, if i had not forgotten! the governess!" and again my raiment underwent 111. in two minutes he rose from the stile: his face expressed pain when he tried to move.
"i cannot commission you to fetch help," he said; "but you may help me a little yourself, if you will be so kind."
"yes, sir."
"you have not an umbrella that i can use as a stick?"
"no."
"try to get hold of my horse's 112 and lead him to me: you are not afraid?"
i should have been afraid to touch a horse when alone, but when told to do it, i was disposed to obey. i put down my muff on the stile, and went up to the tall steed; i endeavoured to catch the bridle, but it was a spirited thing, and would not let me come near its head; i made effort on effort, though in vain: meantime, i was mortally afraid of its 113 fore-feet. the traveller waited and watched for some time, and at last he laughed.
"i see," he said, "the mountain will never be brought to mahomet, so all you can do is to aid mahomet to go to the mountain; i must beg of you to come here."
i came. "excuse me," he continued: "necessity compels me to make you useful." he laid a heavy hand on my shoulder, and leaning on me with some stress, limped to his horse. having once caught the bridle, he mastered it directly and sprang to his saddle; 114 grimly as he made the effort, for it 115 his sprain.
"now," said he, releasing his under lip from a hard bite, "just hand me my whip; it lies there under the hedge."
i sought it and found it.
"thank you; now make haste with the letter to hay, and return as fast as you can."
a touch of a spurred heel made his horse first start and rear, and then bound away; the dog rushed in his traces; all three vanished,
"like heath that, in the 116, the wild wind whirls away."
i took up my muff and walked on. the incident had occurred and was gone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a 117 life. my help had been needed and claimed; i had given it: i was pleased to have done something; trivial, transitory though the deed was, it was yet an active thing, and i was weary of an existence all passive. the new face, too, was like a new picture introduced to the gallery of memory; and it was dissimilar to all the others hanging there: firstly, because it was masculine; and, 118, because it was dark, strong, and stern. i had it still before me when i entered hay, and slipped the letter into the post- office; i saw it as i walked fast down-hill all the way home. when i came to the stile, i stopped a minute, looked round and listened, with an idea that a horse's 119 might ring on the causeway again, and that a rider in a cloak, and a gytrash-like newfoundland dog, might be again apparent: i saw only the hedge and a pollard 120 before me, rising up still and straight to meet the moonbeams; i heard only the faintest 121 of wind roaming fitful among the trees round thornfield, a mile distant; and when i glanced down in the direction of the 46, my eye, traversing the hall-front, caught a light 122 in a window: it reminded me that i was late, and i hurried on.
i did not like re-entering thornfield. to pass its threshold was to return to stagnation; to cross the silent hall, to 123 the darksome staircase, to seek my own lonely little room, and then to meet tranquil mrs. fairfax, and spend the long winter evening with her, and her only, was to 124 wholly the faint excitement wakened by my walk,--to slip again over my faculties the viewless 125 of an uniform and too still existence; of an existence whose very privileges of security and ease i was becoming 126 of appreciating. what good it would have done me at that time to have been tossed in the storms of an uncertain struggling life, and to have been taught by rough and bitter experience to long for the calm amidst which i now repined! yes, just as much good as it would do a man tired of sitting still in a "too easy chair" to take a long walk: and just as natural was the wish to stir, under my circumstances, as it would be under his.
i lingered at the gates; i lingered on the lawn; i paced backwards and forwards on the pavement; the 127 of the glass door were closed; i could not see into the interior; and both my eyes and spirit seemed drawn from the gloomy house--from the grey-hollow filled with rayless cells, as it appeared to me--to that sky expanded before me,--a blue sea 128 from 129 of cloud; the moon 130 it in solemn march; her 131 seeming to look up as she left the hill-tops, from behind which she had come, far and farther below her, and 132 to the zenith, midnight dark in its 133 depth and measureless distance; and for those trembling stars that followed her course; they made my heart tremble, my 134 glow when i viewed them. little things recall us to earth; the clock struck in the hall; that sufficed; i turned from moon and stars, opened a side-door, and went in.
the hall was not dark, nor yet was it lit, only by the high-hung bronze lamp; a warm glow 135 both it and the lower steps of the oak staircase. this ruddy shine issued from the great dining-room, whose two-leaved door stood open, and showed a 136 fire in the grate, glancing on marble 137 and 138 fire-irons, and revealing purple draperies and polished furniture, in the most pleasant radiance. it revealed, too, a group near the mantelpiece: i had scarcely caught it, and scarcely become aware of a cheerful 139 of voices, amongst which i seemed to distinguish the tones of adele, when the door closed.
i hastened to mrs. fairfax's room; there was a fire there too, but no candle, and no mrs. fairfax. instead, all alone, sitting upright on the rug, and gazing with gravity at the blaze, i 140 a great black and white long-haired dog, just like the gytrash of the lane. it was so like it that i went forward and said--"pilot" and the thing got up and came to me and snuffed me. i 141 him, and he wagged his great tail; but he looked an 142 creature to be alone with, and i could not tell whence he had come. i rang the bell, for i wanted a candle; and i wanted, too, to get an account of this visitant. leah entered.
"what dog is this?"
"he came with master."
"with whom?"
"with master--mr. rochester--he is just arrived."
"indeed! and is mrs. fairfax with him?"
"yes, and miss adele; they are in the dining-room, and john is gone for a surgeon; for master has had an accident; his horse fell and his ankle is 143."
"did the horse fall in hay lane?"
"yes, coming down-hill; it slipped on some ice."
"ah! bring me a candle will you leah?"
leah brought it; she entered, followed by mrs. fairfax, who repeated the news; adding that mr. carter the surgeon was come, and was now with mr. rochester: then she hurried out to give orders about tea, and i went upstairs to take off my things.
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