jackson 'didn't want to grow old' 杰克逊“不想变老”-凯发k8官网

a new book based on taped interviews with michael jackson reveals the star thought he looked like "a ¹" and "didn't want to grow old".

一本取材于对michael jackson的采访录像的书显示，jackson认为自己看起来像“蜥蜴”并且“不想变老”。

jackson's comments were made in tapes recorded nine years ago

the michael jackson tapes, written by the star's former ² rabbi shmuley boteach, provides first-hand detail about the reclusive（隐逸的，寂寞） singer's life.

in one conversation, jackson says: "i don't want to grow old. i never want to look in the mirror and see that."

the star died in june, ³ 50. his death is being treated as homicide.

speaking to us tv show today on friday, rabbi boteach said his overwhelming impression of the star had been one of "indescribable pain".

"he lost the will to live," he added. "i think he was just going through the motions of life toward the end."

rabbi boteach recorded 30 hours of interviews with jackson nine years ago. the tapes reveal the star talking about about his fear of aging, and being hit with an electric cord by his father.

"he was rough," the star says. "the way he would beat you, you know, was hard.

"he would make you strip ⁴（裸的，无装饰的） first. he would oil you down. it would be a whole ritual（仪式的，老规矩的）. he would oil you down so when the ⁵ of the ironing cord hit you, you know... it was just like dying."

"i used to get so angry at him," jackson continues.

"i would just go in my room and just scream out of anger because i didn't understand how a person could be so vicious（恶毒的，凶残的） and mean."

⁶ sunshine, a spokesman for the jackson family, said after the tapes were broadcast: "we will not ⁷ this with a comment."

in another conversation released by rabbi boteach, the star can be heard saying: "i don't want to be seen now, because i am like a lizard. it is horrible."

"i would like some way to disappear where people don't see me any more at some point."

'higher cause'

rabbi boteach is an orthodox（正统的） jewish rabbi who has written self-help books with names like shalom in the home and kosher sex.

the latter book, which encouraged jews to have more sex, was publicly criticised and the rabbi（犹太的法学博士，法师） was forced to resign from the synagogue（犹太人集会） where he preached in willesden, north london.

he was introduced to jackson in 1999 by entertainer uri geller and acted as his confidant（心腹朋友，知己） for many years, ⁸ to establish the star's heal the kids initiative.

their conversations were taped with an eye to giving the public a more accurate image of the pop star.

rabbi boteach said he became ⁹（大失所望的） with the book - originally set for release in 2003 - after jackson failed to adhere to（坚持，依附） recovery programmes they had worked out for his public image and private self.

on the today programme, he insisted that jackson would still have wanted the tapes to be released.

"he did all this because he wanted to ¹⁰（奉献，使神圣） his fame to a higher cause, and that was cause was 'parents prioritise（优化） your kids. don't neglect them, because look what it did to me'."