last summer i picked up the power of now by eckhart tolle for the first time, and at once something clicked. with incredibly
1（明晰的）,
unadorned（朴素的） prose, he describes exactly how we
2 our own suffering in our minds, keeping our pain and worry alive with our repetitive thoughts about past and future. we
3 a great deal of energy this way creating problems for ourselves, and making ourselves a problem, when what would actually free us is a return to
4 of the present moment (the only moment that truly exists). although i'd read something like this before in other books — usually by prominent
5 teachers — it hadn't sunk in on more than an intellectual level. and i had certainly never known how to apply it in my day-to-day life.
the key word he used was nonresistance. which meant neither running away from
6 nor fighting it. instead of immediately commencing the usual struggle, he recommended that we allow the feeling, and give it no more attention than nonjudgmental observation. i honestly didn't know if i could i sit still and just be with an experience, even when the experience was wholly unpleasant, but it was worth a try. could i refrain from jumping on the thought train and turning everything into a major issue? could i break a lifelong, ingrained, unconscious habit?
the answer turned out to be yes — when i'm paying attention! i'm a lot more conscious of my unconscious reactions now than i was, so when the intense anxiety possesses me, as it did when i was in the midst of packing for my latest move, i can sometimes catch myself in the act of resistance.
i was in the car with an old and dear friend, on the way to what i had hoped would be a lovely sunday
7, when it seized me, violently, like a blindsided hostage. i was
8 with
9; my stomach knotted and my heart raced. the downtown streets looked ugly, squalid, and hostile. at first i tried to fight the feeling, then despaired at the thought that our outing was ruined.
suddenly i remembered tolle's words: resist nothing.
i relaxed into my discomfort. as if it were the most normal thing in the world. okay, i
10, so i'm going to feel like this right now. i neither battled nor ignored the sensations, but simply allowed them to blow through my system like a
11 typhoon, as my friend continued to tell me about her new house. by the time we were parking, they were already
12 away. when we sat down at a table, it was hard for me to believe how i had felt only minutes before, and we did have a lovely brunch, after all.
who woulda thought it? certainly not me. but that's the beauty of not thinking.
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