羊毛战记 part 4 the unraveling 34-凯发k8官网

　　34

　　is there no pity sitting in the clouds

　　that sees into the bottom of my grief?

　　o sweet my mother, cast me not away!

　　the heavy steel doors of the silo parted, and a great cloud of argon billowed out with an angry hiss.

　　the cloud seemed to materialize from nowhere, the compressed gas blossoming into a whipped frothas it met the warmer, less dense air beyond.

　　juliette nichols stuck one boot through that narrow gap. the doors opened only partway to holdback the deadly toxins, to force the argon through with pent-up pressure, so she had to turn sidewaysto squeeze past, her bulky suit rubbing against the thick doors. all she could think of was the ragingfire that would soon fill the airlock. its flames seemed to lick at her back, forcing her to flee.

　　she pulled her other boot through—and she suddenly found herself outside.

　　outside.

　　there was nothing above her helmeted head but clouds, sky, and the unseen stars.

　　she lumbered forward, emerging through the fog of hissing argon to find herself on an upward-sloping ramp, the corners by the walls caked high with wind-trapped dirt. it was easy to forget thatthe top floor of the silo was belowground. the view from her old office and the cafeteria created anillusion of standing on the surface of the earth, head up in the wild air, but that was because thesensors were located there.

　　juliette looked down at the numbers on her chest and remembered what she was supposed to bedoing. she trudged up the ramp, head down, focusing on her boots. she wasn’t sure how she evenmoved, if it was the numbness one succumbed to in the face of execution—or if it was just automatedself-preservation, simply a move away from the coming inferno in the airlock, her body delaying theinevitable because it couldn’t think or plan beyond the next fistful of seconds.

　　as juliette reached the top of the ramp, her head emerged into a lie, a grand and gorgeous untruth.

　　green grass covered the hills like newly laid carpet. the skies were intoxicatingly blue, the cloudsbleached white like fancy linen, the air peppered with soaring things.

　　she spun in place and took in the spectacular fabrication. it was as if she’d been dropped into abook from her youth, a book where animals talked and children flew and gray was never found.

　　even knowing it wasn’t real, knowing that she was looking through an eight-by-two-inch fib, thetemptation to believe was overwhelming. she wanted to. she wanted to forget what she knew of it’sdevious program, to forget everything she and walker had discussed, and to fall instead to the softgrasses that weren’t there, to roll around in the life that wasn’t, to strip off the ridiculous suit and goscreaming happily across the lying landscape.

　　she looked down at her hands, clenched and unclenched them as much as the thick gloves wouldallow. this was her coffin. her thoughts scattered as she fought to remember what was real and whatwas a false hope laid on top by it and her visor. the sky was not real. the grass was not real. herdeath was real. the ugly world she had always known was real. and then, for just a moment, sheremembered that she was supposed to be doing something. she was supposed to be cleaning.

　　she turned and gazed at the sensor tower, seeing it for the first time. it was a sturdy block of steeland concrete with a rusted and pitted ladder running up one side. the bulging sensor pods were stucklike warts on the faces of the tower. juliette reached for her chest, grabbed one of the scrubbing pads,and tore it loose. the note from walker continued to stream through her mind: no fear.

　　she took the coarse wool pad and rubbed it against the arm of her suit. the heat tape wrapping didnot peel, did not flake away like the stuff she had once stolen from it, the tape they had engineered tofail. this was the brand of heat tape juliette was used to working with, mechanical’s design.

　　they’re good in supply, walker’s note had said. the good had referred to the people of supply.

　　after years of helping juliette score spares when she needed them most, they had done somethingextraordinary for her. while she had spent three days climbing stairs and three lonely nights in threedifferent holding cells on her way to banishment, they had replaced it’s materials with those frommechanical. they had fulfilled their orders for parts in a most devious way, and it must’ve been atwalker’s behest. it had then — unwittingly and for once — built a suit designed to last, not todisintegrate.

　　juliette smiled. her death, however certain, was delayed. she took a long look at the sensors,relaxed her fingers, and dropped the wool pad into the fake grass. turning for the nearest hill, shetried her best to ignore the false colors and the layers of life projected on top of what was truly there.

　　rather than give in to the euphoria, she concentrated on the way her boots clomped on the packedearth, noted the feel of the angry wind buffeting against her suit, listened for the faint hiss as grains ofsand pelted her helmet from all sides. there was a terrifying world around her, one she could bedimly aware of if she concentrated hard enough, a world she knew but could no longer see.

　　she started up the steep slope and headed vaguely toward the gleaming metropolis over thehorizon. there was little thought of making it there. all she wanted was to die beyond the hills whereno one would have to watch her rot away, so that lukas the star hunter would not be afraid to comeup at twilight for fear of seeing her still form.

　　and suddenly, it felt good to simply be walking, to have some purpose. she would take herselfout of sight. it was a more solid goal than that false city, which she knew to be crumbling.

　　partway up the hill, she came to a pair of large rocks. juliette started to dodge around them beforeshe realized where she was, that she had followed the most gentle path up the crook of two collidingslopes, and here lay the most horrible lie of them all.

　　holston and allison. hidden from her by the magic of the visor. covered by a mirage of stone.

　　there were no words. nothing to see, nothing to say. she glanced down the hill and spotted othersporadic boulders resting in the grass, their position not random at all but where cleaners of old hadcollapsed.

　　she turned away, leaving these sad things behind. it was impossible to know how much time shehad, how long to hide her body from those who might gloat—and the few who might mourn.

　　climbing toward the crest of the hill, her legs still sore from ascending the silo, juliette witnessedthe first rips in it’s deceitful veil. new portions of the sky and the distant city came into view, partsthat had been obscured by the hill from down below. there seemed to be a break in the program, alimit to its lies. while the upper levels of the distant monoliths appeared whole and gleamed in thefalse sunlight, below these sharp panes of glass and bright steel lay the rotted dinginess of anabandoned world. she could see straight through the bottom levels of many of the buildings, and withtheir heavy tops projected onto them, they seemed liable to topple at any moment.

　　to the side, the extra and unfamiliar buildings had no supports at all, no foundations. they hungin the air with dark sky beneath them. this same dark vista of gray clouds and lifeless hills stretchedout across the low horizon, a hard line of painted blue where the visor’s program met its end.

　　juliette puzzled over the incompleteness of it’s deceit. was it because they themselves had noidea what lay beyond the hills, and so couldn’t guess what to modify? or did they deem it not worththe effort, knowing nobody would ever make it this far? whatever the reason, the jarring and illogicalnature of the view left her dizzy. she concentrated instead on her feet, taking those last dozen stepsup the painted green hill until she reached the crest.

　　at the top, she paused while heavy gusts of wind buffeted against her, causing her to lean intotheir turbulence. she scanned the horizon and saw that she stood on the divide between two worlds.

　　down the slope before her, on a landscape her eyes had never before seen, lay a bare world of dustand parched earth, of wind flurries and small tornadoes, of air that could kill. here was new land, andyet it looked more familiar to her than anything she’d encountered thus far.

　　she turned and peered back along the path she had just climbed, at the tall grasses blowing in thegentle breeze, at occasional flowers dipping their heads at her, at the bright blue and brilliant whiteoverhead. it was an evil concoction, inviting but false.

　　juliette took one last admiring gaze at this illusion. she noted how the round depression in thecenter of the hills seemed to mark the outline of her silo’s flat roof, the rest of her habitable homenestled deep in the belly of the soil. the way the land rose up all around made it look as though ahungry god had spooned out a large bite of the earth. with a heavy heart, she realized that the worldshe had grown up in was now closed off to her, that her home and her people were safe behind bolteddoors, and she must be resigned to her fate. she had been cast off. her time was short. and so sheturned her back on the alluring view and bright colors to face the dusty, the dead, and the real.

　　????

　　as she started down the hill, juliette pulled cautiously on the air in her suit. she knew walker hadgiven her the gift of time, time no cleaner before her had ever had, but how much? and for what?

　　she had already reached her goal, had managed to haul herself out of the sensors’ sight, so why wasshe was still walking, still staggering down this foreign hill? was it inertia? the pull of gravity? thesight of the unknown?

　　she was barely down the slope, heading in the general direction of the crumbling city, when shestopped to survey the unfamiliar landscape before her. the elevation made it possible to choose apath for her final walk, this maiden walk, across the tall dunes of dry earth. and that’s when she saw,gazing out toward the rusting city beyond, that the hollow in which her silo resided was no accident.

　　the hills bore a clear pattern as they stretched into the distance. it was one circular bowl afteranother, the earth rising up between them as if to shield each spooned-out bite from the caustic wind.

　　juliette descended into the next bowl, pondering this, watching her footing as she went. shekicked aside the larger rocks and controlled her breathing. she knew from working deep in theflooded basins, swimming beneath the muck that burly men cringed from as she unclogged thedrains, that air could be conserved through calmness. she glanced up, wondering if she had enough inthe suit to cross this bowl and make it up the next great hill.

　　and that’s when she saw the slender tower rising from the center of the bowl, its exposed metalglinting in the sparse sunlight. the landscape here was untouched by the program in her visor; realitypassed through her helmet untarnished. and seeing this, the familiar sensor tower, she wondered ifperhaps she’d gotten turned around, if she had surveyed the world one too many times from the crestof the hill, if she was in fact trudging back toward her silo, covering ground already crossed before.

　　the sight of a dead cleaner wasting away in the dirt seemed to confirm this. it was a bare outline,ribbons of an old suit, the husk of a helmet.

　　she stopped and touched the dome of the helmet with the toe of her boot, and the shell crumbledand caved in. whatever flesh and bone had been inside had long ago drifted off on the winds.

　　juliette looked down the hill for the sleeping couple, but the crook of those two dunes wasnowhere in sight. she suddenly felt bewildered and lost. she wondered if the air had finally workedpast the seals and heat tape, if her brain was succumbing to noxious fumes, but no. she was nearerthe city, still walking toward that skyline, the tops of which were still rendered whole and gleaming,the sky above them blue and spotted with bright clouds.

　　it meant this tower below her … was not hers. and these dunes, these great mounds of dead earth,were not meant to block out the winds or hold back the air. they were meant to shield curious eyes.

　　to block this sight, this view, of some other.